Understanding Men and Women

The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen. Ladies, when you talk to a man about what troubles you, it isn't that he isn't sympathetic or uncaring, but truly they don't always understand a woman and her views. There is nothing wrong in that, women are complicated and see things in varying shades and degrees. There are pinks, blues, reds etc. A man sees things simply....black white and grey. They have a tendency to be bewildered by women and our need for talking. If he offers a solution, we don't like, or offers no solution or suggestion, either way, he has messed up the way the man sees it. Either we
A. Reject his answer as ignorant or uncaring and/or get mad
B. See no response as meaning he is heartless and being a jerk and get mad.

Come on ladies, it's a catch 22 for the guys...give them a break. Whatever they do they live in fear of angering us, they get frustrated and stop trying to please us. Men are unsettled by anger from a woman, especially if he doesn't know or understand why, or has contributed to it simply by complying with our request. Let him know you are talking to him not to blame him for your problems or even get a solution, but you need to talk to someone. If you ask for his advice, accept it, LISTEN, aknowledge it and do give him credit for trying. Let him know you appreciate his input. It doesn't mean you have to take his advice. Don't tell him he "just doesn't understand" if you don't like the answer, you'll push him away. Always consider too, the best time to discuss things is NOT when he just walks in the door. And guys, don't attribute bad moods or anger to PMS. MAJOR faux pas! The correct answer to "am I getting fat?" is NO.

Women are motivated when they feel special or cherished. Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. They need to be treasured. (So do men!)

Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships

A woman's sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They spend much time supporting, nurturing and helping each other. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.

Personal expression, in clothes and feelings, is very important.

Communication is important. Talking, sharing and relating is how a woman feels good about herself.

For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support.

Women are very concerned about issues relating to physical attractiveness; changes in this area can be as difficult for women as changes in a man's financial status.

When men are preoccupied with work or money, women interpret it as rejection

The most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them. This need a lot of women have to "mold" him into something confuses men. This is why we have furniture to move around and cosmetics and hairstyles to change. When a woman loves a man she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help him improve the way he does things. He's a MAN, he does things a man's way. She thinks she is helping or nurturing him, while he feels he’s being controlled, manipulated and unaccepted. He'll dig his feet in and refuse to change in any way. Even if your way is better, let HIM figure that out himself. Wait for him to ask. Men take a great deal of pride in doing for themselves. If he was good enough to date, you fell in love with him the way he is, why in the world would you WANT to change him? He's not broken, so don't fix him. If he asks, he wants to do something to make a change, he wants a woman's acceptance. If he ASKS you directly how to change or improve, suggest it to him in a loving, caring way. Don't belittle him, put him down, or demand. All you accomplish there is thwarting his desire to grow or change. Men need to feel in control, so let him HAVE the remote!

A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results, through success and accomplishment, achieve goals and prove his competence and feel good about himself.

To feel good about himself, men must achieve goals by themselves. For men, doing things by themselves is a symbol of efficiency, power and competence.

In general, men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings.

Men rarely talk about their problems unless they are seeking "expert" advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness.

Men are more aggressive than women; more combative and territorial.

Men's self esteem is more career-related.

Men feel devastated by failure and financial setbacks; they tend to obsess about money much more than women

Men hate to ask for information because to them it shows they are a failure

Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement.

Men are motivated when they feel needed. A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, he cannot provide or is in some other way not as good as he would like to be, though he may never express this.

For a man not to feel needed, loved, and admired is slow death for a man.

Part Two "Things you should know about each other"

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Disclaimer: The information contained in these two pages has been obtained from various sources, including but not limited to the world wide web, various psychology publications and textbooks and interviews with ministers of varying religions among others. It is in no way intended to help solve relationship difficulties or offer a solution.